I have been going through a lot of praying and soul searching about what God might be be leading me to do in my life. My purposes have seemed to change as I age and as our circumstances shift.
Before I was married, I worked at a couple of group homes. The majority of my time was spent with individuals who had severe physical and mental challenges. I also spent some time with troubled teen girls. It seemed at the time that this was the purpose God had for me and I would never do anything else, ever again. However, once I was married and I became a mother, my desire to stay home full-time grew in me until I was finally able to become a stay-at-home mom 4 years later. It had been a heartbreaking time for me. Because of my work schedule, and my husband’s, my parents watched my son on the days I worked. I cried every night I had to go to work. It was such a blessing when I was finally able to stay home with my kids for a full 17 years!
In 2015, because life can get expensive with 4 kids, it was necessary for me to go back to work, so I went back to group home work. I felt as if God had hand-picked this position for me. I love the individuals I serve and I love the people I serve with, but sometimes (well, to be honest, most nights I work) I truly miss being a housewife. But when I was at home full-time, I felt guilty. I felt as if I wasn’t contributing to our household, especially since I wasn’t drawing a paycheck. I had tried alternate ways of bringing in income. Babysitting, selling Avon, freelance copy editing…but nothing seemed to work on a regular basis.
Recently I have restarted my copy editing business. I also felt like I wanted to pursue a career as freelance writer. I knew I had the skills so it felt like a no-brainer to use these as a side hustle and bring in some cash. I’m no millionaire, but I am hopeful that, at some point, this will become a full-time career for me.
One thing I have been doing that is seeing some success and bringing me joy is this blog. Writing is such a great outlet for me and always has been. If I can make a little money at it, once I try to monetize it and maybe put out some paid content of my own, great. But I don’t feel as though that’s my main goal in life. I am a multifaceted person with varied interests and dreams. I feel pulled in a million and one directions. But as far as career aspirations go, I am conflicted. I have so little free time that I am very choosy in how I use it. I have a family I want to spend time with. I have friends, my church, various hobbies and ministries. It’s hard to do everything I desire to do when I am working a full-time job (with lots of overtime) and trying to establish my own businesses on the side. Something has to give, besides my sanity!
After talking things over with my husband, praying, and a lot of soul searching, I am finally coming up with some answers. I have a lot of things I am interested in but I simply don’t have the time to do everything that appeals to me. I need to prioritize. In this particular season of my life, I am called to serve my family, my friends, my church, my individuals, and whoever God puts into my path. I need to use my time wisely and judiciously. Some things need to be embraced, others need to be let go, at least for now.
With that in mind, I have decided to be selective with how I spend my time. I know it’s the right decision because of the feeling of intense peace that came with this choice. I want to focus on my family, ministry opportunities, my work with people who have special abilities, and to build this blog and see where God takes it. I am also working on a couple of book ideas, which, if God provides the funds, I will try to self-publish when the time is right.
What purpose does God have for you? How are you using the gifts He has given you? What dreams has He put in your heart? Which dreams are the ones He wants you to focus on in this time of your life?