Sunday Morning

I come into the sanctuary, my head bowed
My tears falling silently and discreetly down my face
I feel Your presence here
And I know I should be reverent in my worship of You

But sometimes I am angry with You
It feels as if You've removed Yourself from my life
Purposefully allowing circumstances that hurt me deeply
Why would a loving God do such a thing?

Then I remember
Your ways are not our ways
All is for Your glory
All is part of Your plan for me

Breathing deeply, I struggle to control my emotions
Half hoping no one notices me, half hoping someone does
Wondering if there is anyone who will ever understand me
Praying for a sign I am not alone

Again, I bow my head
I whisper my desperate plea
Something needs to change, something's got to give
I can't do this anymore

The service ends and I prepare to leave
I paste my brave smile on my face
Determined that no one will ever know what that action costs me
Telling myself it's only for a season

Why have You forsaken me?
Where is the joy You have promised me?
I am trying so hard
But peace alludes me

I walk alone, or so I thought
My bitter tears mingling with the wind
The autumn leaves circle me, protecting me in their dying beauty
Even now they have a purpose

One particular leaf catches my eye
I reach to extract it from a puddle on the sidewalk
The water has softened it, helping it to retain its crimson glow
Nurtured, almost coming back to life

I smile as I put the leaf into my pocket
I lift my face and laugh into the wind
I feel the joy slowly creeping into my heart and spirit
I got the sign I needed

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